doom generation

when I first started this blog, I had the intentions of being a fashion blogger. whatever that even means. I was going to talk about runways, trends, and share my own outfits that I believed were ~fashionable~ along the way, somehow that plan was lost. and after being in my fashion and globalization course for about a month, I am glad as hell that that idea is long gone.

ever since I was a little girl, I dreamt about being in the fashion industry. I put together cute lil outfits on my neighbor's polly pockets. I bought the barbie notebooks where I would 'design' my own ideas. I wore fishnet leggings in the second grade. I took small sewing classes where I made a tote bag. once I got around my preteen years, I wanted to be a model. two years ago I made a denim bra with a hot glue gun that fell apart at fyf.

besides all of these little things, I didn't do much that was ~fashion~ related. I pretty much accepted the fact that I wasn't a designer. my only other option, I thought, for being part of the industry was being a stylist. but then I was also inspired by nasty gal and sofia amoruso to become my own CEO. being the lazy ass I am though, I never did much work towards it. I started this blog with the intentions of having it lead me to the industry, but it somehow became rants and other random shit that I'm surprised some people read. (thank u all so much for feeding my already huge ego <3) 

I then applied to FIT, got in, but ultimately declined. I am now at NYU because I am undecided as fuck if you haven't already picked up on that. I thought I still wanted to do something fashion related, hence why I am taking a fashion and globalization course. but its just making me sad about the entire industry.

I guess it's good to bring it up now because the relevance of fashion week right now, but idk I just wanted to rant about it somewhere. maybe you guys agree or can make me see what I once saw in fashion. but as of now I cannot separate capitalism from fashion and it makes me feel so SHITTY.....!

yes, I am a huge consumer of fast fashion. its cheap, its easy, and I don't even think about the sweat shops the clothes are being made in. idk I felt like the conditions of these warehouses were at least slightly getting better. but thats just my ignorant ass ignoring everything wrong in the world if it doesn't directly affect me.

but its not just fast fashion. everything in fashion is created to keep the rich rich. who distinguishes what is trendy and tasteful? the bloggers, magazines, and designers who are already on Top of the fashion hierarchy!!!! they steal ideas from the people underneath them and claim it as their own in order to reassure themselves that they are on top. 

I used to think of fashion as an expression of individuality, but really no one is original. everything we wear is to proclaim what social group we are in. I dress to make sure everyone understands that I am / that / indie bitch and I am sure you guys do that too. but of course that means judging people for what they wear. and I kno that I kinda don't hate doing this because its so easy, but again it is still so Shitty!

and then theres the whole thing about when social media comes to play. as much as I love instagram and twitter and will defend both to the ends of the earth, I understand how boring it is. everyone curates their Best versions of themselves. we make sure to let everyone know that we know what is actually trendy. we scroll through pictures of almost everyone wearing the exact same thing and accept the fact that that is cool. this is another way the fashion hierarchy is enforced.

and the real fashion world. the world of couture filled with paolo sebastian gowns and valentino shoes is so limited. and for a reason. if it is accessible to everyone, it takes away the glamour we associate with it. we can strive to be a part of it, but it is pretty unlikely to join if we weren't born into it. anyways, the actual makers of the clothing aren't even justly credited for their creations. the face of the brand gets it all and we don't even know who was the actually behind the sewing machine.

this is all so disappointing to me. now i am even more lost and confused on what I want to do. I am still so amazed with every little detail of haute couture, but at the same time it makes me feel so sad with the industry. I would still love to be apart of this, the sustainable, ethical, artistic version of it of course. but who am I kidding. I would also definitely be a sellout and that scares me.

xoxo