new month, old rant

I've feel like I've abandoned the blogging community. I haven't read a blog post in such a long time and miss it sooo sooo sooo much. I've just been way to stressed out about school and it's driving me mad. 

Yeah, you guessed it. Ya grrrl is back with a rant. I understand you guys probably prefer reading other type of posts compared to my long complaints. But I really have no other place to share this and if I don't let this out now, I don't think it ever will. Who knows this might even just be a post that I save in my drafts and never actually post?

Tomorrow registration forms are due for next year classes and I still don't know what classes to pick. Actually I'm just having difficulty trying to choose my science class. Next year I'll be a junior and it's crucial for colleges. I have high hopes for myself and wish to go to a top university or a fashion college. I still don't know what I want to be though which makes this even harder for me to decide. 

I should just take decision making instead.

I narrowed it down to ap chem, ap bio, and honors physics. I hate science in general, so honestly I wouldn't take these classes if it wasn't so important for college. I hate bio a little less than chem, but I'm actually one of those few people who like math. 

I think ap chem will be the best choice just because it will be the hardest, but I'm not sure if I'm up for the challenge. I don't want to even more stressed out. I know I'm going to be stressed no matter what, but still it's my junior year I want to have fun too. And then what if I don't take ap chem and then colleges turn me down because of how important it is.

I just wish I was 5 years old again. Or Kendall Jenner. Either way I wouldn't have to worry about this.

I'm too afraid of the future I just want someone else to figure this out for me. I don't want to make the wrong decision and then mess everything up for me. But I know this is something I have to figure out for myself in like 20 hours or so. 

I hope I pick right and I hope I get into a good college and I hope I get a good job and I hope I love my job and I hope all of these things for you too.

I wish the school system wasn't built for teenagers who haven't even experienced enough life, who only lived for a little more than 1 and a half decades, had to choose what they want to do for the rest of their lives. It's such a big decision and we don't know everything yet so why is it made like this? Why am I going to go in debt just to end up at a job that I hate going to? Or even worse, what if I don't even get a job? This is all too much pressure for us.

I'm just going to cry and sleep instead. Maybe my answer will come to me then. I really just need spring break.

XOXO

btw. happy april I wish u all a happy easter and an even better spring break. or if ur already on spring break, i hope ur having the time of ur life. <3