keeping up with the long lost kardashian // part 7: ramblings of a dying adolescence

i feel like i've been lost with words and haven't rly shared any posts that isn't pictures. it's weird because i don't consider myself a photographer n would much rather be a writer. but i've been stuck with a block n can't think of ideas/topics or what to even SAY ! 

so let's catch up a bit for now

dreaming of: summer n warmth n the sun n the beach n straberritas mayb or some kind of fruity drinks n picnics n laughs n dresses n running away for a vacation n lazy days n a tan

thinking about: is it really a crush or do i just like the attention? also when will one of my "crushes" last longer than like 1-3 weeks? why do i get bored so fast! it's them not me,,,,,, right??? ALSO when will miranda and steve get back together? n i'm so happy that carrie didn't marry aiden bc i still want her w big. im on season 4 don't ruin anything for me BUT this is making me think of new girl n wow i just love cece n schmidt so fucking much thats my otp like nick n jess to obviously but them Wow . 

feeling: idk. all sorts of things. not necessarily happy, not necessarily sad. kinda lonely, but i also kno im loved? idk i spent all day yesterday alone so mayb i feel like that. i've accepted that my heart will probably be at a permeant state of heartbroken even if i don't feel it at all times because like i can also be really fucking happy at times. i think im good right now.

listening: 2013 // current joys, dc snuff film / waste yrself // teen suicide,
turn on the bright lights // interpol, burden you // pity sex

happy bc: freshman year of college is basically over. it wasn't as hard as i thought n it was actually really fun. of course there were breakdowns but that was on me. i had some rly good professors too n met some rly good people that i love. i had a lot of good memories too n living on ur own isn't as scary as i thought. overall im glad i chose nyu n that all of the schools in california rejected me bc i probably would've stayed. also finally SUMMER IS FUCKING HERE !

sad bc: freshman year of college is basically over. and i feel old as fuck. and kinda of scared of the future even tho im still only 19. but idk i feel like i gotta start doing stuff like internships?? idk its scary n im not gonna think about it. and now i must return home to california n i'll miss the city n my three main friends. i'm also sad i won't be living in the same area next year. i guess im sad bc of all of the change. i went home for a weekend n it was nice, but i don't know how much i can Take. also the past couple of weeks have been so warm n nice n wholesome n i wish i was spending the summer in nyc

spending time: avoiding finals n essays n all school work. pretending it'll all magically go away. until the night before when its 3am n im almost to the page count requirement.

wishing i could: be a better writer and create more art. i wanna do like digital media magazine shit. but im also very lazy n scared it'll come out bad. i hate that im my own worst critic n thats why i never try. also wish that i could become a dj or something involving a synthesizer n that my dorm will pack itself up. 

xoxo